A few days ago my teacher gave me an article to write about on "5 things I'd like to change about myself." I thought it was a pretty easy topic, considering the long list I had had in my mind. But when I actually started writing that, I realised that only listing 5 things wasn't that easy. There are so-freaking-many things I want to change about myself, it's weird. And more than 5? Pfft. Easily.
•Firstly, about my temper. Those of you who know me, will know what I'm talking about. I'm extremely short tempered. I don't know man, it's so hard for me to just stay calm during those situations. I know a lot of people pull my legs for that, but I don't care. When I feel as if my soul won't rest in peace until I murder a few people, I don't give a hang for what others are saying about me. But, no, I really need to change this. Like, get a hold on my temper. Most of the time, I say stuff that I regret later. But there are situations which make me so angry, when I don't like to give a second thought to what I'm about to speak. Like, when people spell my name wrong. (IT'S WITHOUT AN 'H', DAMMIT) or when people don't go by what I say, or simply when people don't reply to my texts. These are childish, but believe me, you wouldn't want to meet me when I'm angry.
•The second thing that I'd like to change is an unusual instinct of mine. The thing is, when I was a kid, I was convinced that I was a cat. So, some of those things are still stuck to me. I squeak or mewl or simply hiss like a cat when I get startled or surprised. It really is embarrassing, but I cannot help it! I'd screamed accidentally a lot of times in the middle of a class, making my teacher question my species. I should change it, like, really, really, fast. But hey, being a cat is fin, however embarrassing it is. Meaw.
•The most important of all: procrastination. Severe procrastination. Okay, I know a lot of people who procrastinate, but I think I've really got it bad. Even this article took way long to finish than it should've if I'd been a good girl and typed this without procrastinating. This thing has often led me to finish school-works just before the day of submission, prepare speeches the night before its delivery, and not to mention my incredible to power to mug up chapters just the night before the exams even if I had a whole month vacation. I seriously need to motivate myself, pay heed to the piles of stuff that I always ignore in my peripheral mind and work. I don't really need to list the problems I'd get into if I don't change it. Fast.
•Another problem is my food habit. That's like, the major trouble. I never take my food on time, and so I always lose my appetite during the meal times, however tasty the food might look, and regretting my previous decision. But, c'mon, man, who has ever controlled their hunger in the history of humankind? I can't help it; I have to have food when I'm hungry, however ungodly the hour is. Midnights included. I can talk big about having a healthy diet and all its constituents, but don't ever ask me if I follow it if you don't want a big fat 'NO'.
•The fifth problem with me is that I like to roll my sleeves up. Be it t-shirts, shirts, hoodies, or simply a traditional kurti. I just have to have the sleeves rolled up. I feel extremely uncomfortable when I'm wearing a full sleeved dress and I have to keep my sleeves down for the sake of fashion, duh. I know that people prevent me to do it mainly because this is boyish, and I was supposed to come out of my boyishness by now. True, I was a tomboy once, and desperately wanted to be a boy. But that's once upon a time. I'm almost girlish now, but this habit of rolling sleeves up simply won't go. Here lies the fact that I like to wear stuff that are comfortable, and not just for show. Rolling sleeves up make me feel comfortable, so I do it, and this has resulted in the holes to get bigger. My parents have told me zillion times to stop but, nah. I cannot make myself do it. The only reason I will have to change it because if I ever go in any formal situation, I might end up with the sleeves up, and that might seem disrespectful, or simply too informal. That's it.
•The next thing is to convince myself to let my fingernails grow. Believe me, it's impossible, you and I both know it. I cannot keep my nails undisturbed for a few days and let them grow. I'm extremely impatient, and it's horribly hard for me wait for that eternity in which my nails will grow and satisfy me. Nope. Nope. Actually, come to think of it, I don't really need to change it. Who cares if my nails are short or long? Shorter nails can be pretty too, and mine are nice by girl standards. So, no big deal. Cancel it, I don't want this to change. The only thing here I would definitely like to change is to keep myself from biting them short. All of us know the consequences of biting nails, so I'm not going to state them here.
•okay, this might seem a bit serious. I need to control my feelings. Now, let me get this straight, I can conceal my feelings well, like, really well. I can very well be crushing over someone, or, heaven forbid, be in love with anyone right now. But I'll happily die everyday slowly from inside than go to them and let go of my feelings. Simply because, nothing's going to work out ever. So, I don't see the need to sweat over the problem and successfully swallow everything in. After all, I have my attitude to cover it up. *Wink* Anyway, the problem here is, I develop feelings quite easily. Like, I can talk to someone one day, and day dream about them the next day. The only positive thing about this is, I'm absolutely sure that these go away, the feelings. So no harm done. Those of which don't go away... well, there's not much I can do, can I? So, to change about myself, I'd like to have a reign over my feelings. Yep, that's it.
•The previous one was really weird. Okay, right now, I can't think of anything else. That's probably the last point: To note down things when I have them in mind. When I started writing this I had so much to write, now I can't even remember anything to type. Dammit.
These are probably the major stuff I'd like to change about myself. Other than these, there are lots. Like, doodling wherever I find space, speaking my mind without any filter (But I think that's a good thing, so don't bother including this in the list) and, oh, yes, ignoring my online friends. I always brag about how a good friend I am, how I never ignore texts, how I'll always stay with them forever. But, at the end of the day, my messengers are filled with messages, asking me to reply them. Except for a few, I don't reply to anyone. I'm just too lazy or lose interest easily. In this way, I've destroyed lots of friendships and I obviously don't look forward to do that again, but again, I cannot help it. I'm extremely moody as I mentioned earlier, and replying depends on my moods. I'm sorry for that, I really am, but it's actually really hard to change. Another thing is that I overthink a lot. Like, a hell lot. This ultimately leads to tensions and bad thoughts which are probably completely irrelevant with the concerned situation. That's probably how I function. Agh.
Of course, along with the things I'd like to change about myself, there are things which I sincerely hope never change. But that's up to others. What they like about me, I don't know, honestly, I've got no idea. But changes happen with time, and nowadays it's flowing too fast. Definitely, I have to change my views to cope up with everything. These could be bad, or even worse than it is. After all, there still remains the saying that, whenever something bad happens, goodness comes in alongside. (Or, did I just make that up? I'm not sure if it existed a second before.)
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